Dangerous New Youth Craze Sweeping The Nation: Positive Thinking

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Young people and ‘hipsters’ across the UK have recently been reported to be in the grips of a terrifying new craze known as ‘positive thinking’. The real danger is that the brain can create new neural pathways that make it easier for the brain to repeat the new way of thinking and turn it into a life-long habit. The shocking and ridiculous side effects of what can effectively be termed ‘a dangerous drug’ are so far limited to circumstantial evidence, but a new report due out in February 2017 aims to shed new light on just how widespread and serious this ‘mind-alteration’ has become.  Here are some of our shocking findings on the most common side effects.

Increased likelihood of eye-contact and ‘smiling’ on major city public transport

A tendency to gaze longingly at trees and the sky

An increased sense of self-worth

Euphoria

Setting unrealistic goals

Spontaneous singing and dancing

A newfound ‘can-do’ attitude

A sudden interest in profound uplifting quotes on social media

A sudden interest in new hobbies

And a strong urge to travel.

Also reported was a rise in applications for students taking part in creative pursuits at the start of this academic year: Julia Higgins (head of strings) of Colchester Institute was reported to have stated “the kids are so enthusiastic. I don’t know where they get their energy from, it’s exhausting!”, whilst Micheal Rothesay (media department) of Wickford college told us “We couldn’t keep up with demand, and have had to offer four new courses to cater for an influx of applications next year. If the trend continues we’ll need to build a new center for the arts”.

Words by incurable optimist Doris Daze.

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