Geriatric Weather Report

RESEARCH SHOWS THAT AVERAGE WINTER WILL FEEL LIKE BALTIC ICE BLAST IN COMPARISON TO DELIGHTFULLY WARM AUTUMN

polar-bear

Bus stop weather reporters everywhere (in parts of England, mostly) have informed us here at YACK! That the winter will in fact be an average one, but that it will feel especially cold and horrible when compared to the relatively mild autumn we’ve been enjoying recently. Mavis Green, 74, of Rugeley, said in a statement “It’s cold isn’t it?”, and Celia Moyce, 73, of Bedford, was quoted to have said “it might be nice weather now, but give it a few weeks and it will feel very cold”. Reports can be heard at bus stops and cafes (a bit like Costa but with very cheap instant coffee and bland décor and plastic seating) in small towns across England and Wales, and specialists in the subject can be trusted to insistently impart their knowledge without prompting at almost any given moment. Statistically, English pensioners are more likely to have insights into weather patterns and to voice them when compared to their younger counterparts, and further research has shown that we are probably due a completely average winter.

Words by professional bus bench buddy Doris Daze

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