Coulrophobia: Two Creepy Clowns Sighted At Pavillion Dance

Two creepy clowns have been sighted in the Bournemouth area and citizens are advised to lock their doors tightly, or at least mime erecting a wall. Accused of multiple counts of tomfoolery, assault with a chainsaw, grand theft tank, grievous bodily harm, indecent exposure, grotesque public displays of affection and comedy with intent to delight, Adam and Dick as they like to be called are considered to be armed with puppets and extremely dangerous.

Reports seem to have them confined to a cardboard prison that tours from theatre to theatre causing a scene. However, they seem intent on breaking the fourth and even fifth walls and it’s only a matter of time before this breakout show finds its way into your own sheltered existence. Last seen at the Pavillion Dance in Bournemouth witness accounts from the giggling and obviously traumatised audience vary from ‘hilarious’ to ‘is he called Dick cause he’s got a bigger willy?’

Refusing to be stuck in a box, these vagabonds employ every trick in the book trying to tickle the audience and mugging them of vast amounts of laughter. Wanted for the murder of childhood innocence, these criminal clowns are forcing the audience to reconnect in sordid new ways with puppetry and clowning. Known associates include the Pickled Image theatre company and the Activate performance facilitators, keep a close eye on both groups and check if they may be planning a visit to a theatre near you.

Words by Matt Miles

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