5 Short Reviews For The Week 19/7

 

1. ZEO- Crush

photo 1 (1)

I bought this fantastically premium looking drink purely because of the packaging. Do not be fooled by this marketing wonder this drink sucks. It tastes like a piece of shit, it is fizzier than a prostitute full of cocaine. The flavours are not crisp, they are foul, and despite claiming to be ‘100% natural’ this bottle of putrid ass-water tastes faker than that same prostitute’s tits. Robb Hiscock

2. The Model Railway Station At Work

photo 2 (1)

This model train station is a pure delight to look at. Although it was taken out of service back in late 2012, it still sits pretty in it’s rural home. Every detail of this model is to scale and is painstakingly hand painted with the utmost detail. God only knows the joy it would have brought in its hay day. Glorious.- Robb Hiscock

3. Golden Virginia Smooth 8g

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Although these little 8g packets have been around for a while we’ve never really bought into the gimmick of having less tobacco to accompany the 50 papers they give you. The matter being that you end up with literally hundreds of half used packets of Rizla knocking about. However at a measly £2.75, you can justify slinging the add-ons once you’ve smoked all of your TJ Detweiler. – Robb Hiscock

4. That Storm The Other Night

Disclaimer: Not an image of the actual event

Disclaimer: not an image of the actual event

As I stood, in nothing but my boxer shorts, basking in the primal fury of Friday night’s storm I felt almost enlightened. There is something incredibly calming in what seems to be absolute chaos. This storm happened to be an impressive one, on multiple fronts it stormed it up with impressive lightning strikes artfully dancing across the sky and thunderclaps booming into your very soul. When I’m promised a thunderstorm and it doesn’t come, I get very angry at the Met Office and normally send them hateful messages and thoughts. I wasn’t let down this week though, two absolute corkers in a row. – Matt Miles

5. Barclaycard’s British Summer Time

Disclaimer: not really a bank of substance.

Disclaimer: not really a bank of substance.

Now that we’re done singing Black Sabbath’s well deserved praises, we felt it also imperative to mention Barclaycard’s British Summer Time is by far one of the shittest “festivals” on the calendar, they’ve jumped on the heightened popularity of the summer music scene. Targeting every demographic they can get their filthy corporate hands on, by catering to radically different crowds on each day, the entire affair is a thinly veiled advertising stunt. Unfortunately (for Barclays, fucking hilarious for everyone else) this year that has backfired and Barclays has been left with rancid, stinking egg on their face. Around a week before the series of shows were set to begin, due to an error in the ticket sales department, hundreds of tickets were released to the public for the sweet low price of £2.50, this was understandably a very attractive deal and the masses swooped in swiftly buying them up. Barclays decided that they would honour this heinous injustice meaning the show itself was plagued by punters not actually bothered enough by the artists to pay the full ticket price of around £80, alongside grumpy die hards who paid full whack eagerly and the stoked few who couldn’t afford it before but lucked out into some awesome. On top of that colossal fuck up, on the day of the show sponsored by Barclaycard, there was a further error that meant for around two hours anyone trying to use their Barclaycard to withdraw any cash to spend on the overpriced beer and food on site was met with the message “we are unable to process your request at this time”. So basically Barclaycard are complete and utter ball bags, and the fact we managed to enjoy Black Sabbath so fucking much is a middle finger right in their stupid face, because they had next to nothing to do with the titanically awesome set that was played. – Matt Miles

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