The trouble with the internet is that every jackass with a smartphone can go around making noise, record it, and go out there and claim that they’ve made a single. The Noises We Make When No One Is Around have almost deliberately gone out of their way to support my argument, and indeed excelled my expectations as to what is even capable. Their new single Playing Ghost and it’s ‘B-side’ White Flag are, according to their press release “focused around the bleak rejection felt when a child receives both physical and mental abuse.”
I refuse to be intimidated by the fact that the lyrical content is allegedly related to a particularly fragile subject matter, and I shall elaborate as to why this is. First and foremost, if a song is bad (and this would then imply that these two efforts are indeed songs – which is not something I’m entirely comfortable with) then I’m not going to tip-toe around it so that I don’t seem insensitive. The ‘songs’ both lack any kind of audible structure. I understand that this might be seen as an asset in some circuits in the music scene, although I am sure that in this case, even in those circles, an exception would be made. The singing is, for the most part, unintelligible which is possibly a positive attribute for the band and something they can take some solace in. It’s bad enough to hear the melody being warbled out, lord only knows how torturous that must be to anyone who can decipher any sense out of it.
Normally, I applaud musicians for not using Autotune, as so many recording artists do these days, but in this case I find myself recommending that they do. Either that, or an equally constructive criticism would be that perhaps instead of adapting their style to make use of technological advancements in music production technology, they find a more productive way of burning their creative fire. I’ve a friend who has recently painted his bathroom wall and would be most glad I’m sure to have them come and watch the paint dry if it meant that they put the guitar and the hairbrush away.
If someone were to play these two songs to a coma patient, you can be damned sure that before the conclusion of the second offering, the afflicted party would muster up all of the strength that they can, rip out the cables and tubes keeping them alive, and throw themselves out of the hospital window, down into the car park, just to be sure that they never have to hear it again. The band appear to take pride in the fact that they recorded in one take in a bathroom, but i’m not overly convinced that they didn’t send us a link to a recording of someone emptying their bowels by mistake. Or perhaps they did and that was the point, in which case, fair play guys, you really nailed it.
Some acts like to finish their songs with the sounds of crowds cheering, to replicate the experience of being at a show, and I particularly enjoyed the way that The Noises also achieved this at the conclusion of White Flag, which is punctuated by a lonely cough, something which I’m sure they will be accustomed to from their own live performances in the gaps between songs, as it is a real challenge to conjure up the notion that anyone might actually applaud this band, and I commend the band for their integrity and desire to emulate their live sound on record.
In all honesty, I’m not sure I should share with you a link to hear this nonsense. Perhaps, if you’ve not been put off already after this glowing review, you might find it on-line if you searched for it, but before you do, please consider that there are a plethora of talented, interesting and altogether better bands out there that you’ve never heard of, so perhaps instead, you might just take my word for it that this is one to be avoided, and use that time to go and discover something that actually deserves listening to.