The Goat Simulator Review

There are some, who might say Goat Simulator bears little resemblance to the typical life of a goat. They would have you believe that demolition, acrobatics & theoretical physics don’t belong in a game that shares a namesake with some of the most anorak-y titles in gaming history. Those people are bastard wrong.

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Goat Simulator is not a game about what a goat does, it is about what a goat is.

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Humanity’s relationship with goats is long and varied. One of the first animals to be domesticated, we and our caprid friends have a long history together.

In the middle ages, through their resemblance to, and possible affiliation with, the pagan entity Pan, goats were distrusted and even feared. Common folklore would have you believe that goats would whisper obscene words and thoughts into the ears of the devout; leading peasants off the path of righteousness and towards pandemonium. This is, of course, absolutely true, and key to understanding the game.

After centuries of committing heinous acts at the behest of goats, Goat Simulator turns the tables, and permits us to command our goat companions, cackling at the havoc they wreak upon the world around them.

Developers Coffee Stain Studios admit that the game is intentionally glitchy and buggy, which many have assumed is due to the games one month development cycle. Rather, this is because goats are in fact the glitchiest of all god’s creatures.

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Take a look at these and tell me this isn’t the universe bugging out.

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So, what can we take away from this? Goats are apostates of Satan, creatures not of this world that would sexually carpet bomb your entire family given half a chance.

Words by Tom Clarke

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