This Week In Vagina Related News

It has been an amazing week for vagina’s folks.

A hospital in Mexico has been growing vagina’s.

cornfield

Disclaimer: this photograph may not be entirely factually accurate.

These petri pussies have been used in a study to help four patients who have Mayer-Rokitansky-Kuster-Hauser (if you want more people to know about it, you might think about renaming it?) syndrome, which causes sufferers to have a ‘greatly shortened vagina’, making sex painful and the ability to conceive impossible. 

These mutant super snatches are as far as I can understand it, squirted onto some veiny paper, cooked in an oven, taken out and wrapped around some cherry flavored jelly to give them that authentic vagina shape, then stitched together and bung back in the oven. Amazing no? Sounds like a creepy recipe for something that you really don’t want to cook, but it’s results that count, and the smell of freshly baked beaver is one that we can all enjoy. 

According to the doctor overseeing the study, each vagina is specifically molded to best suit the woman it was destined for. Apparently each cooch was lovingly “hand sewn into a vagina like shape” at the Frederico Gomez Childrens Hospital, Mexico. As righteous, revolutionary and radical as this breakthrough is, the idea of a room full of mexicans knitting up a fresh batch of vagay-gay’s is literally the funniest thing I have ever imagined. I’m still imagining it right now. Still laughing.

If you would like to read a more serious review of the technology and it’s applications without our childish giggling hampering your enjoyment feel free to check out the BBC’s coverage.

The second piece of vaginal news comes out of Tennessee as 19 year old Dallas J. Archer was caught smuggling a loaded gun in her vagina.

gun-in-vagina

Vaginal gun smuggling, this girl definitely does NOT have MRKH syndrome.

After “a female jailer performed a search of Ms Archer and located an unknown item in her crotch.” Ms Archer (thank god she wasn’t smuggling a bow and arrow) has been charged with gun possession and introducing contraband into a penal (irony) facility. The fully loaded weapon poking out from the responsible gun owners oddly chosen holster was identified as not only horribly misused, but also stolen, the weapons real owner has stated that although he will claim it back, “the little fellow needs a bleach bath first”.

Surprisingly this isn’t even the first case of this happening. Gun in vagina, meth in butt may sound like a horrible start to a really shitty rap song but it is sadly also written down somewhere on an arrest report.

Words by Yack!

 

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3 thoughts on “This Week In Vagina Related News

  1. Pingback: How To Pull A Sickie | Yack Magazine

    • Hello Najjis, thank you for reading our article and taking the time to comment.

      Whilst we at Yack have never claimed to be vaginal hygienists, we do have a couple suggestions you could try. First port of call should be to check that you haven’t left a tampon/toy car/human being in there that has festered into a pussing ball of heinous. Just have a good fish around in there and make sure there is no blockage.

      Second thing to do would be to try giving it a good old clean. We find that genital hygiene is next to godliness, or something like that, it’s a Smashing Pumpkins lyric and we struggle to understand Billy’s wailing sometimes.

      If all this fails you should go see a doctor . . . or resign yourself to only ever being able to receive oral pleasure from homeless men for small change, dogs or whatever the nasal equivalent for being blind is.

      We hope this helps.

      Yack.

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