How To Procrastinate

Ok, so, it’s midnight and you have work to hand in tomorrow. Panicked? Don’t be! You’re doing fine! This simple ten-step guide will help.
It’s ok; you can take a minute to read it. Don’t rush yourself! This guide will show you how to strategically work through your essay by preparing, taking breaks, and planning.
So, without further ado, let’s get started.

Step One: Organise!
Sort those papers on your desk. Clutter is distracting. Those books can probably go in that drawer there — hey, look! It’s your old Game Boy! Does it still work? Are there batteries in there, too? Huh, better go check the drawer in the kitchen. There might be some there. Actually, while we’re at it, a snack wouldn’t hurt. Wait, there are no clean plates. Should probably wash up that load on the counter…

Step Two: Clear Up!
Do you have washing up liquid? No? That’s alright, that’s what twenty-four hour supermarkets are for. Thank God there’s one within a five minute drive. We need some milk, anyway. Let’s go!

Step Three: Stock Up!
Oh, we can get batteries for the Game Boy while we’re here! And maybe some orange juice. And peanut butter. In case of sandwich emergencies. And some pens, so we can make notes for that work we’re meant to be doing. That seems like everything. Home again.

Step Four: Make some tea!
Crap, we forgot the milk.

Step Five: Background music!
It’s often useful to listen to familiar music while working. Like that band you liked when you were 16. Don’t you still have their album somewhere? Go find it, it was a really good album. There’s that one song on it…

Step Six: Plan!
…which was really popular on the radio a few years back. How did it go? Anyway. Found the album yet? No? That sucks! Check Amazon. Maybe you can order it. It’ll be nice to listen to it again. Ooh, and what about Game Boy games…?

Step Seven: First draft!
Wait, did we miss a step?

Step Eight: Break time!
Ah, good, time for a break. It’s… um… quarter to two in the morning. That’s okay, we’re still wide awake. Right? Let’s go make some tea.

Words by Gina Bartholdi

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